Fabulous Friday!

Day 13
Fabulous Friday, That is what I used to call it.

I'm home alone this weekend, my children will be with their Dad, my first full weekend Sober, I have not done a Friday alone yet!!

I feel really strong in my resolve but apprehensive, I went to an AA meeting on Thursday and that really helped, it is an amazing group of people all with the same shit as me, not so alone now I thought.

I have planned my night out, will have a long soak in the tub, but usually only stay in there for 5 mins because of my little voice in my head that does not shut up, however might take a book with me this time, usually I would have a glass of wine, not tonight.

My eyes are looking so much better and brighter, they are actually white, I don't look as puffy either, but still not wanting to get started on exercise maybe it was not the booze stopping me it might just be me, I never liked getting hot.  Speaking of that, I am not missing the sweats I used to get during the night and often in the day, the alcohol was playing havoc with my body clock, my temp gauge and my mental state.  Why would I want that shit in my life again.  It will be interesting to see how I go in a social scene have not braved that yet but thinking of catching up with friends this weekend, although not big drinkers I would not expect them to give that up for me, so I will take my non alcoholic mojito and have a lovely night.
Finding it hard to post as have nosey kids around
xx Keep going

Today was a good Day, not over yet 5 o'clock is looming

Today was a glorious day the sun was shinning and I was sober, Yay me!
My headaches have finally got better and I did not have to take any pain releif today, my poor body may have all that poison out of it's system
I can't really belief that I have been throwing poison down my throat for so long, I'm more careful about what I put down the sick, eco and that shit.  But for the last 10 years +  I have bought poison and drunk it like it was water, what the hell have I been doing?  I'm careful about what I use on my skin etc, WTF???
Logically I knew but that was not enough to stop me, I am reading Alex Carr Stop drinking easily and the realisation is really starting to hit home, I don't need that shit in my life and I am starting to believe it!! Finally

One week Sober

It feels like a very long week, has not been that hard to keep to my resolve of a sober life, the urge around 5ish are the hardest and I wonder if it is going to get much tougher for me as all my drinking was done alone at my home.

Nest week will be the real challenge, my children go to their Dads and I usually would have down a couple of bottles of wine a night on those nights.

I am reading Alex Carr and the moment a reccomendation from Mrd D one of many I am giving a go.

It talks about the illusions around drinking, we all know its poison and with that info why do we choose to drink it??  It is alot more complex than that but I am only a few chapters into it, I think it has already helped me to see alcohol differently.

SO here I am another sober Sunday however feeling alot better than last sunday, still have my headaches which is really starting to piss me off.

Cool realisation last night when I woke in the middle of the night not gasping for a drink of water was that I did not stink of booze, I did not have an awful taste in my mouth and I astually felt good, I smiled to myself at the thought of the morning when I will not be hungover, Yay me!
xx

God I feel like a glass of wine

A few minutes before my friends are due to arrive.

I really feel like a glass of wine, it just hit me as I looked around thekitchen it's 5.30 and I just noticed something was missing, I felt like I had forgotten something, but it's not that it is that I don't have a glass of wine at the ready, I would have already had two by now, the new big glass, not the 100 ml standard drink.

I'm longing for one, the first time this week.

I'm day 7 shit this is going to be tough.

I want to ring someone from AA but I will be fine while my friend is here

Wish me luck!
xx

First time at AA

Day 6

Went to AA yesterday


I walked into an AA meeting today, felt very welcome and it slowly dawned on me, every person in this room had a first time, they smiled at me when I got the courage to look them in the eye.

I put my hand up when ask if there was anyone new.

I bravely spoke when asked to share, (you do not have to) but I said,  "I had made it here so what the hell"!

I began with my story, honestly (it's the only way now if I'm going to live this new life)
I told them how much I drank and when I finally realised after talking myself out of the fact that I had a problem, how could I??  When I only drank Pinot Gris and Chardonay, I would never even touch a glass of Sav does'nt that mean I so not have a problem, they laughed and nodded along side me, I cried and said sorry for that.  The lovely lady next to me took my hand and patted it, I felt very safe and welcome.

It was a really fantastic experience, other people shared and some talking directly to me, with their first time and telling me how much AA had helped them, it was great to hear and have another person tell me not to give up, it will get easier.

At the end, so many people came up and said well done, you are so brave and then alot of them gave me their phone number and told me to call, whenever I needed or wanted to.

A wonderful man who I had seen in the front row said to me as I was talking to a lady, " Just rember alcohol is a theif, it will rob you blind, it will rob you of everything"  It really hit me hard but so true, if I kept going the way I was I could have lost everything that trully matters to me in this world, my children. 
"Not on my watch" or should I say Not on my sober watch!!!

Another day and another 5 o'clock under my belt!!

Steady as she goes

Day 5 Yeah Baby

Thanks for the comment would love to know how its been for you, all new to me this blog thing, even found it hard to find my own blog so still working out how to comment on other peoples, 23 days thats awesome.

Thought I would go to an AA meeting today, shit scared but thought I would give it a go.

Had a shocking headache today, not fair really but felt like I had been hit over the head and have not even touched a drop!!!

Had a weird wine dream last night and took a swig in my dream and it tasted like vinegar, weird!!

Did a presentation yesterday which my business partner said I was amazing she said I rocked it.  It was great being able hear that, I had a habit before of not being able to think on my feet, the words just were not there (brain cells had died) but I could think on my feet and answer questions that were thrown at me, I left the meeting fizzing, great feeling.

Sorry re the spelling but if I check it, I will never publish, also I have lost 2 posts by checking spelling so you will see this published worts, spelling errors and all

Happy sober days
xx

Day 1
Yesterday I admitted to a friend that I have a drinking problem!
Today I start, was surpose to start yesterday but had dinner with friends and had two wines with dinner however I did resist the urge to go and get a bottle and finish it on my own, yeah me!

I have been reading Mrs D's book and I loved it, nearly finished and resigned to the fact that I cannot control my drinking, I wrote to her about a week ago and she sent an email back which I was overwhelmed by I am sure she had so many comments and emails but she got back to me, little old lush me.

I have been drinking for years and if I'm honest (that's the only way) I have never been able to have just one.  I always have been responsible and if I am out would only have one before driving home only to down a bottle when I get home.
Hangovers are just life to me, I am so sick of living in this fog, I am sick of forgetting things, my memory is terrible and I feel awful when I am with a friend and they say remember I told you?  I have no recollection of the conversation, it makes me feel like a terrible friend.

Ok say here I am day one of the first day of my life without wine or any alcohol! Oh shit!!
xx